I stare out at the woods and can’t bear to even see the ship leave. It would seem the way I was is no longer acceptable. Dammit they need my strength why couldn’t they just leave me be. I don’t have to be happy or cheerful or helpful to kill drow. Why does trying to help lead to so many mistakes. I guess I am not even known for keeping my word. When I told them how it would be why did Richard have to test it? When he pulled that knife, I knew my word meant nothing, that he didn’t expect me to swing. I am a man with very little left, my word is about it, so I swung. I threw the fight. They could have beaten me anyway but I made it easier for them. Although, despite proving that he is a better man than me, I hope I left simon with a scar.
I cannot stand Simon. He was a scumbag and had proven it time and time again and everyone gave him trust no matter the number of warnings. I tried to do the right thing and only seemed to meet failure. How is it success comes so easily to someone so underhanded. Three times, going back in time, trying to break the stone myself and talking to a good god and a dark god to free her from the curses and all simon had to do was talk to her. The harder I tried the further she got until I finally got her killed and her soul taken. Since knowing what would happen to her I have been in a fugue where I just wanted to kill EVERYTHING and was trying to hold it back. I knew that there would be times I wouldn’t be able to and I tried to warn my friends.
In the end I tried to save them the hurt of having to kill me and I couldn’t even do that right. Apparently what I am good at is a very short list. I want so badly to ride all night and day to Greyson and kill any drow that gets off at the docks, but I don’t know if they would accept me even being that close. I wonder if Vecna even cares anymore. They are no longer my friends it would seem and I can only hope that frees them from my actions but I doubt it.
I have been cast out by my fellow barbarians.
I am not welcome anywhere else because I am too barbaric.
I have gotten the only woman I cared about killed and her soul taken to cure something that didn’t need curing.
The one person I tried to protect everyone from ended up not being a scoundrel but a king and being such reflected how much of a bastard I am.
My friends have decided it was better to test my word that I would strike anyone who pulled a blade rather than just leaving me be.
My sword is no longer my own and with it any shred of honor I had left. I hope Roslin enjoys his trophy, it is earned.
My soul is already claimed by the evil in this world.
I don’t know what to do and I wish someone would show me. I have been lost for a very long time.
Audghier summons his horse.
Whether they want me there or not they need as much help killing the drow at greyson as they can get and I will be there. They can decide what to do with me after, but one thing is still true, I am good at killing. Fuck you Vecna I may be yours when I die, but I have alot of drow to kill before then.